Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust
by CommeUnMoineau
Summary: He burns and hurts and blurs the edges, and suddenly to her right and wrong don't seem so different anymore.


**Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. **

Astrid's 5 when the Napiers move next door.

It was one of those days when mommy doesn't want to get up and the sun was shining far too brightly and the birds chirping far too loudly, and all she wants to do is go into her mommy's room and make her feel better, but apparently, it doesn't work that way. So she sits and waits by the window, watching, wondering, trying to sing along with the birds but they're too loud and too high and she can never quite reach.

She watches as the moving van slowly pulls up into the lane and in front of their house. For a fleeting moment she wonders if its actually come for them and its come to take their things away (Like she had overheard daddy saying had happened to the Jeffersons up the street) but soon a car pulls up behind the van, and a family emerge, so mismatched and unkempt they look like little rag dolls to her, with their messy hair and patchwork clothes. The daddy in this family is completely different to _her _daddy; his belly swells, his shoulders slouch, there's a general bitterness about his face that as a 5 year old, she can't really place, but she knows there's something wrong about this man.

Then there's the mother and her hair is all wavy and blonde (But not _real _blonde, the kind of blonde where the top of their hair is still brown and the blonde is too blonde to be _real_ blonde) but to her, she's very pretty. Not as pretty as her mommy is of course (No one ever is) but pretty never the less. She's dressed in a scraggly red dress, that looks like it was once pretty, but too many washes later have left it torn and faded, and too small for her now.

Then the car door opens again and out comes a boy, a boy who's not much older than her, he must be around 5 too. He's in torn scruffy clothes, that are so loose they look like pyjamas, and all she wants to do is ask this strange boy why he's wearing pyjamas in the middle of the day. But she can't, she has to stay with mommy, so all she can do is watch, as the strange little pyjama boy and his mismatch family go into the house next door. She wants to ask mommy who they are but she knows never to wake mommy when she's on one of her 'sick days' as daddy calls it ("Sweetheart, you're mommy's just a little sick right now, but you can go play with her when she feels better, ok?"). Daddy used to come home every lunch time when mommy was on one of her sick days but he doesn't do that as much anymore. Mrs Black from up the street comes and visits; she's old and all her children have moved away now but Mrs Black smells really nice and reads her stories in funny voices and sometimes Mr Black comes over and lets her play with his funny bow tie that spins round.

In fact, Mrs Black is coming today so maybe she could ask her about the family next door. The house had been empty for so long that she couldn't remember who had lived their before; maybe it was a family of tiny elves, so small no one could see them anymore. She'd ask Mrs Black about that too.

Mrs Black turned up at a quarter past 2; usually it was 2 but daddy explained that, since her hip operation, Mrs Black couldn't walk as fast anymore. She didn't really understand why having a hip operation didn't make you faster instead but she pretended to understand. That seemed to be the main thing she did with her daddy, pretending. But she didn't pretend with Mrs Black, who when she turned up, had a big box of her favourite cookies in her hand.

"Hello there, Astrid, my dear! My aren't you getting taller by the day, precious,"

She responded with her usual silence as Mrs Black reached out her crinkled, slightly crooked old hand and ruffled her dark brown mop of hair. Mrs Black handed her the cookies and continued into the kitchen, in her slow walk, so slow Astrid beat her by a whole minute this time.

"Now dear, I'm just going to take a few things up to your mother, and then I'll be back down in a second, ok?"

She watched tentatively as Mrs Black pulled different things out of the cupboard and wants to ask why she can't at least go in and _see_ mommy as it might cheer mommy up but she already knows the answer to that question. So she nods, and sits quietly, observing everything Mrs Black puts on the tray. There was some water, bread, a few coloured pills that look like sweets, and a few squares of chocolate there too. She wants to ask what the pills are for but she presumes that's one of the questions you ask that you never really get an answer too.

Astrid followed Mrs Black half way up the stairs, but dutifully waited on the sixth step, listening to the creaks of the old staircase as Mrs Black continued on up and opened her mommy's door.

"Judith? Judith? Are you awake? Its Eleanor..."

She hears the door shut quietly behind Mrs Black and she wishes once, just once, mommy could shake herself out of this illness (Because if you're sick you're supposed to get better, right?) and they could go have bubble baths or play barbies, even though Astrid doesn't like playing barbies but she does like playing barbies with mommy. She likes doing anything with mommy.

A few minutes after Mrs Black emerged from her parents bedroom and smiled at her, a warm smile, a smile that Astrid thinks is the nicest smile in the world. She took Mrs Black wrinkly hand in her smaller one and they wandered down to the living room.

They were half way through 'Scooby Doo' which Astrid isn't really watching as all the lines are blurring and merging together which daddy says means she needs glasses but she pretends to him once again that the lines are fine and no, daddy, they're not blurred together, when she asks Mrs Black about the strange family next door.

"Who?" Mrs Black pauses for a moment, startled slightly at the fact Astrid has actually said something, before widening her eyes in realization. "Oh yes, now I remember? Leonard mentioned this last week. They're the Napiers, my dear, from Florida. I think they have a son your age, if I remember correctly..."

"Yes," Astrid nodded. "I saw him outside. He was wearing pyjamas in the middle of the day,"

"I'm sure he wasn't my dear, that would be a silly thing to do," Mrs Black frowned slightly, rubbing the bridge of her nose where her glasses sit. "Though Leonard did say there had been some trouble with the father back in Florida..."

"What?"

"Oh nothing dear," Mrs Black simply smiled, like so many adults did to her, before pointing a crooked finger at the television. "Look, I think Scooby's caught the bad guy!"

She squinted her eyes at the TV, but after finding it too much trouble, she lay down tenderly on Mrs Black's lap as Mrs Black stroked her hair and proceeded to whisper stories in the young girl's ear, of pirates and mermaids and damsels in distress.

V.

Its 6 o'clock when her daddy comes home, like always, but today he's not in a very happy mood. She can tell by the fact he doesn't twirl his umbrella in his hand in the way that makes her laugh but just snaps it shut, and shoves it into the corner. Never the less she runs over and hugs his leg and he responds by ruffling her hair, just like Mrs Black did earlier, and kisses her skinny little fingers.

"How was your day, kiddo?" His voice is tired and weary but he's still smiling down at her. Not a big smile, like Mrs Black earlier, but a smile anyway.

"Mrs Black's here!" She pointed at the elder woman lingering in the doorway, who nodded and smiled at the man in front of her. "And we watched Scooby Doo and Mrs Black told me a story about a mermaid who gave up her voice so she could have legs and go on land and find her prince and when they kissed she got her voice back and they lived happily ever after!"

"That's nice, sweetheart," He chuckled. "Evening Eleanor, thanks for looking after Astrid today, we really appreciate it,"

"Its no problem, Richard; Astrid and I always have a good time, don't we?"

Astrid nodded her head quickly before pausing and turning to look up at her daddy, her eyes turning slightly sad.

"Mommy didn't get up at all today,"

Her dad sighed, lifting his skinny daughter easily up into his arms, hugging her against him.

"Your mom's just not feeling very well at the moment sweetheart. She'll get better soon, I promise, then you can go play with her,"

She wanted to argue back, say that she wanted to play with her now, but she felt that might upset daddy even more so she kept quiet and pretended to understand once more. He sat her down in the one of the tall kitchen chairs, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead, before turning to search amongst the various cupboards, taking out various things, like once again Mrs Black had done earlier.

"So what do you want for supper, kiddo? We could do some bolegnese, your favourite,"

"Well, I better be off," Mrs Black said, hovering in the doorway. "It was good seeing you Richard. And I'll see you soon Astrid!"

"Wait one second, kid, I just need to talk to Mrs. Black for a moment. Why don't you sit here and think about what you want to eat, ok?"

Astrid nodded, waving shyly goodbye to Mrs Black as her daddy shut the door behind him, but even through the door she could hear parts of their muffled conversation. She could hear words like "crying" and "tired" and "family" and lots of long complicated words that she didn't know the meaning of. But sometimes, she knows a lot more than she lets on.

V.

Its late at night, and she's _supposed_ to be tucked up in bed asleep, but secretly she's leaning against the wall, straining to hear her parents through the quite thick walls. She just wants to hear mommy's voice, just wants to see if she's all better now, if she'll come play barbies with her tomorrow.

"Judith," That's her daddy; she can tell by how deep the voice is, but he doesn't sound like he usually does. He sounds angry, but sad at the same time. "I promised,"

"I know you did Richard but I just don't feel up to it, ok?" There's mommy, is she better now?

"No, you never feel up to much anymore, do you?" Suddenly daddy's voice comes back again, but this time its much angrier.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean its doing you no good to stay cooped up in here, Judith, all _fucking_ day. I know the doctor says its best for you to lay low for a little while but would it kill you to actually leave the fucking house every once in a while?"

There's silence on the other side and all she wants to do is go over there and hug mommy and tell her everything is going to be alright (Though she doesn't really know if it will) and tell daddy not to shout at mommy when she's ill, that she can't help the fact she can't go outside.

"Look," Her daddy continues, his voice softer now. "It'll just be a quiet dinner, you like the Stones, don't you? Well it'll just be us, them, and that new family next to us. Nothing stressful, just some casual conversation between friends and a way to say hello to those new people, you know, the whodjamacallits that just moved in next door. They look like a rough lot,"

Silly daddy, they're not called the whodjamacallits, they're called the Napiers, or the Nappys, or whatever Mrs Black said their name was.

"Ok," Her mother's voice broke through the silence. "I'll go,"

"Good, don't worry, it'll be fine, you'll see. Night Judith,"

"Night Richard,"

She sits and listens to the unnerving silence and wonders what's worse, her parents talking or their not talking.

V.

"So Judith, we haven't seen you around much recently, are you feeling better?"

"Yes," Astrid feels her mother's body stiffen underneath her, and tightens her grip around her mother's wrist, as if her mommy will suddenly let do.

"That's good," Mrs Stone smiles, that smile that reveals rows and rows of perfect white teeth, and she leans back into her perfect white chair in her perfect white living room in her perfect white house that makes Astrid shiver.

"So Astrid," Mr Stone turns to her, placing his white mug down on the white coffee table. "When will you be starting school?"

Astrid doesn't know what to say so she turns into her mommy's chest, hugging her tighter. She smells like strawberries, like sweet summer strawberries, and she wants to tell all the others to go away, she wants it to be just her and mommy, and oh she just wants them all to go.

"Astrid's still not very, um, _talkative_," Her dad laughs, stroking her hair. "Sometimes we can barely get her to talk at home,"

"I'm at school now!" The Stone's daughter, Harriet, pipes up; she's _seven_ now so she's much cleverer and much more grown up than Astrid is. And much more bossy and much more loud. If that's what seven does to you, she never ever wants to be seven.

"We know, Hatty, we know, pumpkin," Mr Stone smiles, patting his daughter on the back. "But I'm serious Richard, have you taken her to see someone, a doctor perhaps? A child psychologist. That can't be healthy for her development,"

"My daughter is fine, thank you. Just a bit shy," Suddenly her mommy's voice is cold and she can feel her hands tugging on Astrid's.

"Of course Judith, of course," Laughs Mr Stone, nervously. "I'm just saying get her checked out that's all. I'm sure there's nothing wrong, per say, with her, but it can't be unhelpful just to have a quick check up,"

Her daddy opens his mouth to speak when the door bell goes brrng and Mrs Stone hurries up from her perfect white chair, making sure not to pour any of the deep red liquid that looks like blood in her glass on it.

"That must be the Napiers! I'll just show them in,"

She watches as the patchwork family from yesterday enter the room, and the mother is trying to smile, and the father looks unimpressed, and the boy, well he doesn't do anything at all. She watches the young boy's face, and she swears its the most curious face she's ever seen. His hair is golden and electric but his face is hard and cold and his eyes look black, so black she can't look him directly in the eye, so she cowers in her mother's neck. He notices her staring and keeps his black eyes focused on her, momentarily flicking to Harriet, before looking back at her and she swears he's only doing because he can tell how nervous he's making her.

"Thanks so much for inviting us," His mother's voice is husky but warm as she shakes her daddy's hand, looking round the room at all the different people. "I'm Emma, Emma Napier,"

"Richard Laurent,"

"Its a pleasure to meet you," She smiles, and Astrid can already tell that this woman is nice. "And this is my son, Jack,"

Jack looks towards his mother, but still doesn't smile, his slightly crooked lips remaining perfectly set.

"And I'm James," Mr. Napier's voice is rough and low and as he puts his hand on his son's shoulder, she watches Jack flinch ever so slightly. He knows she saw and she knows he knows she saw and she looks back down at her mommy's hand, desperate to avoid the gaze of the black eyed boy.

"This is my wife, Judith, and my daughter, Astrid,"

"Pleasure," Her mommy smiles at the new people in the room, but all she can do is turn her head further into the crook of her mommy's neck, away from this strange family.

"Come on Astrid, say hello," Her father says, his tone slightly more serious. She turns her head and smiles slightly at this Emma woman before returning her gaze back to her mother's chest.

"Well I think that's the best you're going to get," He laughs and this Emma woman joins in too, patting Astrid on the back.

"Astrid? What the hell kind of name is that for a girl?"

"James!" Emma hisses, and Astrid cowers at his tone, and wants to tell him its her name, not his name, so he can go away, but no words come out of her mouth.

"I named her after one of my childhood friends," Her mommy's tone is warm and pleasant and she doesn't know her mommy can be so warm and pleasant to this scary man, dressed in jeans and a white vest, looking completely different to the other two daddys in the room.

"Well, this is our eldest, Harriet," Mrs Stone begins to say, diverting the conversation away. "And we also have a one and a half year old, Harry, but he's sleeping upstairs,"

"Oh bless," Emma says, turning and smiling at Harriet, who gives a big seven year old grin back.

"Harriet, why don't you go show your friends your toy collection upstairs? Daddy and mommy are just going to have a little talk with our guests down here, ok, sweet pea?"

Harriet heaved a sigh, as if it was the most troublesome thing in the world and that now she was seven she shouldn't have to be looking after these _babies_ but she got up anyway and walked determinedly, another thing Astrid supposed happened when you turned seven, and looked expectantly at Astrid and Jack, waiting for them to follow. Astrid clung desperately to her mother, as she didn't want to go upstairs with these two and why was she making her go upstairs when all she wanted to do was stay down here and be with mommy. But her mother gently pushed her off her lap, and Astrid tried to look into her mother's eyes but all she could see was emptiness, like her mommy wasn't really there.

V.

"Since I'm the oldest and I'm 7 and it is my room, I'll decide what we'll play with,"

Harriet's room is pink and bright and oh so different to the blank white living room, but still just as perfect. Astrid doesn't think she's ever seen so many toys in one room before, all bright and shiny and new, littering the floor. Jack's expression hasn't changed since the moment he entered the house but she can't be too sure as she desperately tries to avoid looking at his face, at that golden hair and black eyes and how lips kind of look like he's smirking when he's not doing anything at all.

Neither Jack nor Astrid say anything so Harriet heaves another sigh, and sits down on the carpet, pulling a stuffed toy from the bed and gestures for Astrid and Jack to sit down. They both do, and its awkward as Jack keeps looking at her and she keeps trying not to look at Jack and all she can focus on is the strange plush deer currently being stroked by Harriet.

"I got this for my sixth birthday," Harriet says smugly, noticing Astrid's staring. "Daddy said it was the last one they had in the shop,"

"What is it?" Jack asks, almost sneering at the snuffed deer. Harriet's eyes widen at his question, as if its the most obvious thing in the world, whereas Astrid looks surprised as its the first thing Jack has said all day and suddenly, he doesn't seem so young anymore.

"Well, its Bambi, of course, y'know, the Disney cartoon,"

For a moment Jack doesn't say anything, before suddenly he turns to Astrid, and with that unnerving smirk, says:

"Looks kind of like you,"

She doesn't even want to look at him, and she doesn't know if its out of fear or embarrassment but out of the corner of her eye she can see Harriet's face heating up.

"No it doesn't! It doesn't look anything like _her_,"

"Sure it does," He replies smoothly and she can hear how, even though Harriet is seven and Jack is still quite small so he must be younger, he sounds much smarter and cleverer than her. "Its not as bad as that doll though,"

He points at the porcelain doll sitting upright in the corner, with its blonde ringlet and its big blue eyes that don't move from your face, wherever you sit.

"Take that back!" Now Harriet's starting to sound even more and more upset, and her voice is getting higher and higher. "Take it back!"

"But that's nowhere near as ugly as that dollhouse over. Jesus, look at that thing, its hideous," He stands up quickly, so fast Astrid's never seen anything like it, and takes a doll out of the doll house, and purposefully drops it on the floor and stands on it, breaking the legs of the small doll.

Suddenly Harriet starts to cry and Astrid doesn't know why he has to be so mean and as Harriet wails and kicks her legs and runs crying out of the room, she realizes she's been left alone with him and suddenly she wants to run out of the room crying to.

There's a minute of silence between the two of them, as he stares at her and she wishes he would stop with that awful smirk as if he knows some inside joke she doesn't, before he speaks again, his voice even calmer.

"So, Bambi, are you ever going to say anything?"

She wants to speak, she wants to shout at him to leave her alone and go away but no sound comes out from her mouth So she stands up gently, taking care not to fall as tears have blurred her already foggy vision, and she walks slowly out of the room, ignoring his cold eyes, and trying not to let him see the tears falling from hers.

_A/N: So that was the end of the first chapter! Reviews are greatly appreciated. I have to point out I know there a lot of 'and' clauses and long sentences that may seem repetitive but its all so it can seem in a more childlike tone. - Abbe. _


End file.
